It is okay to wait. Babies come when they want to. You will never be ready for this change. Even if you think you’re ready, you can’t be ready for everything having a baby entails. Through trying to get pregnant, pregnancy, delivery, and the first few weeks of having a newborn you learn SO. MUCH. You learn about yourself and about your spouse. You find new ways to connect to your spouse and you get to test your limits. Some women love being pregnant. They feel good, and they glow, and they are joyful in the whole process. Some women hate being pregnant…for many reasons. (I’m one of those women.) Pregnancy is a big part of having a baby but then once that is over you HAVE A BABY — FOREVER. There is no undo. But when you have your kiddos you can’t imagine life without them. Sometimes you might wish for time to yourself or look at your husband and think “What have we done? We were so free, and now we’re slaves.” And you have to remember that you are still free. Take that baby places! Do things! Show them the world! This little creature is yours to teach and guide through this life. Sometimes I take a step back and think that my babies aren’t just my daughters. They are my sisters in Christ. Just like I have a journey with trials and joys and sadnesses they have their own journey and it is my job to prepare them for what is to come, while kissing their whole face and squishing their fat little bellies because I’m their mom and I can do that. They are my best friends, but I couldn’t know that relationship without my very first best friend, my husband.

If you want to know what it’s like to be bi-polar, have a baby. If you want to fight with a mini version of yourself, have a baby. If you want to learn how to take a 3 minute shower, have a baby. If you want to learn to live on no sleep, have a baby. If you want to practice critical thinking and working under pressure, have a baby. If you want to feel accomplished, have a baby. If you want to know what love means, have a baby. If you want to grow your capacity for patience, have a baby. If you want to learn new ways to communicate, have a baby. If you want to see how fast time flies, have more than one baby. Having a baby offers so many opportunities!

This entire post is mixed up and contradictory. That’s because that’s how motherhood parenthood is. I’ve written down some “to-do”s that I suggest to anyone who is married and not having kids yet.

To do before having a baby for YOURSELF*:

• Think about a 5-year plan, including your home and career path
• Organize your day to day priorities (housekeeping, routine, spiritual needs)
• Create good health and exercise habits
• Think about the kind of person/woman you want to be (and start working toward those goals)
• Get a hobby (or 2 or 3)
• Eat new foods
• Make girl friends with and without kids

To do before having a baby for YOUR MARRIAGE / SPOUSE*:

• Take trips frequently – even short, close ones
• Discuss finances, make a budget (and learn to stick to it), create good spending habits
• Set priorities within your home and within your relationship
• Take A LOT of photos (even naked ones)
• Learn how and what to sacrifice
• Seriously, travel
• Be intimate for the sake of intimacy
• Make couple friends with and without kids

Do NOT*:

• keep thinking about having a baby. You are stealing time away from this phase of life. Kids will come, you won’t get back this precious time with your husband.
• rush into any decision. Kids will come when they are ready.
• assume you have all control in this decision. KIDS WILL COME when THEY are ready.
• think you are incapable of being a mother. Mother’s intuition is real. Somehow, when you become a mother, even when you don’t know…YOU KNOW.
• feel pressured into any decision. This is your life and your family unit that you will be creating. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your friends are doing. If they have kids already they are probably wishing they could travel back in time to where you are right now and more deeply cherish and take advantage of the time they had with their spouse in the early years of marriage.
• put off having babies because of any fear you have. No fear can outweigh the elation of any aspect of parenting. (Except maybe cleaning up poop. Poop can be fearsome.)

*These are not tips to prepare for having a baby. When you get pregnant there will be a post dedicated to baby prep.

Kids. Are. Great. They’re even greater when their parents have a strong bond. Take advantage of this time that you have with your spouse. It is irreplaceable.

Love, your friend who admires you greatly for all your achievements thus far.

Side note: Billy, I love you. I can’t imagine doing this life with anyone who isn’t you.