We went for a hike last week. I don’t think any of us were prepared for how long it would take, how far it would be, and how high up the mountain we would go. It was nearly dark by the time we got back to our car. The kids were both tired and hungry. Billy and I were so happy we went but I was starting to get nervous about making it home in one piece. As I put the car into drive, we hear Meeko from the backseat say “Mommy? Thank you lake.” Remember, this kid is not even three years old yet. At the end of this exhausting journey she, without being prompted, gets our attention and expresses gratitude for the experience she just had. Yes, I started crying.

The most prevalent example of how to be a person that baby has is me. And I am not near as good as I want her to be. I yell, I am impatient, I use bad words, I am controlling, I have a borderline unhealthy concept of “clean vs dirty”, and many other bad habits that I don’t want my kids to have. But when I hear my child say “thank you” or tell me “I think you’re awesome” and feel her tiny hand wiping away tears from my cheek I realize that maybe I’m not so bad. If she hadn’t seen me do those things there’s no way she would have even known how to thank someone for something. And I am proud of that.

I want to be an example of how to care about and for other people. I want my girls to know what it means to work hard (and play hard). I want them to learn how to be attentive and knowledgeable, as well as knowledge seeking. And sometimes I let all that get in the way of enjoying every moment I have with them now. I want them to see an organized house and know how it got to be that way. And I want them to understand the value of sending birthday cards and thank you cards in a timely manner, if not actually on time. I want to help them learn how to be thoughtful of others and to be protective of themselves and each other. And I always feel like there’s not enough time in the day to accomplish all of these things.

Billy has a sweet work schedule. He works for seven long, grueling days in a row and then he’s off for seven short, quick days in a row. It is very common on those days he has off to see him watching a movie (kid’s choice) holding at least one, usually two children. And while that happens I do laundry, cook food, clean and organize SOMEthing, or some other “chore”. There are two reasons for this. During those seven days that he works, he comes home about the time that the kids are cranky and need to be getting ready for bed so he doesn’t get to hang out with them. It is also nice for me to not have to entertain the kids while I’m trying to make sure everyone has clean underwear for the next day and food to eat when hunger strikes. Another huge factor in this setup is our personalities. I am just not good at relaxing, especially when I know there’s a dishwasher full of clean dishes and dirty dishes in the sink waiting for their turn through the sanitize cycle. He loves to sit and spend quality time with our girls doing whatever they want without letting responsibilities get in the way. I admire this about him.

Every day we notice something else about Meeko that is exactly like me. Some face she makes or some reaction she has. This week we started potty training. Day 1: zero progress. Day 2: we learn it’s not so bad. Day 3: Mom wants to go back to diapers. Day 4: zero accidents and 8 bathroom breaks. (That means success!) With each successful visit to the bathroom we gave her a reward. Always a stamp or sticker on her chart and sometimes a tangible prize. Three of these prizes, within half an hour of receiving them, we found sitting around somewhere. And this is when we realized how much Meeko enjoys getting things. Having things is cool, but getting a new thing for her is so exciting! I am the exact same way. I do not like having things just sitting around. I only want things that I will actually make use of.

I apologize to Billy often for the way I am and that Meeko is so like me. (And I’ve started to see some of my characteristics in Luna too.) I know I’ve got some less than awesome traits. He, of course, is gracious, kisses me on the forehead and reassures me that he’s thrilled to have two — maybe even three — of me. But it is for this reason (Meeko is me) that it is so important to me to improve myself as much and as quickly as possible.

Dear daughters, I hope you can feel how much I love you and how important your spirits are to me.